by Doug Kaufman

The other night, as I sat in front of the TV doing something important, the Better Half called in from the kitchen: "Did you finally remember to send your sister a birthday card like you promised?"

Now, I thought that was unfair and uncalled for. I remembered that I have a sister, and I know her birthday is right around some holiday, so after watching a few more entertaining commercials for a car insurance company and some really delicious looking fast food, I wandered into the kitchen to put the matter to rest.

"Uh, I thought you said you were going to take care of that," I said. "After all, I never pick out any good cards, especially for someone who’s turning 50. And isn’t her birthday next month?"

My wife stared at me for a second. The stare turned into "the look," and suddenly, I knew I said the wrong thing.

"She’s only 44, bub," the Better Half began. "And her birthday is the same month as yours! She’s your sister! How could you forget something like that!"

How could I forget it? The question is, how could she expect me to remember this sort of thing? With data such as every line from "Caddyshack," "Airplane!" and "It’s a Wonderful Life," as well as various sports-related facts, popular culture references and jingles for most TV shows and car insurance commercials, she’s lucky I can remember our anniversary (which is, by the way...um...oh, MAN! Not again!).

She doesn’t look at the fact that I have rarely been beat at Trivial Pursuit as a plus. Does it matter that I’ve won actual prizes and merchandise on radio call-in quiz shows? It does not. To her, these precious nuggets of knowledge are nothing more than a waste of brain space. Sadly, my kids seem to agree.

My oldest daughter seems to be embarrassed by the fact that I can’t remember her friends’ first names, but I know what kind of cars their dads drive. Of course, as an 11-year-old, she seems to be embarrassed by just about everything I do these days.

Coincidentally, the Oldest is working on her school science fair project right now, studying the differences in memory between men and women. I knew, that as a trained professional, I would have no trouble remembering more words on a list than the Better Half. So I agreed to take the little memory test, as long as she promised not to make too much fun of her mother for her inferior performance.

I shouldn’t have worried.

My score on the test, though better than many of the other men she tested, proved to both the Oldest and the Better Half that I can’t remember a thing. While it’s true that going to the grocery store without a list is a pointless expedition for me (although the results can certainly be interesting), I thought her science fair project’s hypothesis – that grown up males have worse memories than any other age group – was stereotypical and mean-spirited. So I set out to do some research of my own. And what I found proved that men and women may be different – but we’re complementary.

According to some report I found on the Internet, scientists have determined that women do much better at remembering the "emotional" things in life, while men remember the "rational things." It is, I reasoned, why the Better Half can remember birthdays, as well as which socks and underwear belong to which of our three kids. It is also, I proudly pointed out to her, the reason I (and every other man) can look at a map once and never need to ask directions again. That and batting averages actually matter to us.

Again with the look. This time, though, she threw her own Internet research at me. Turns out, she discovered a report that suggests that male brains shrink faster with age than the female brain. Apparently the frontal and temporal lobes in a man’s brain get smaller faster than a woman’s as the two age. Unfortunately, those two lobes control thinking, planning and memory.

While it’s just like a woman to start throwing the word "shrinkage" around when talking to a man, her point was made: we need each other, especially as we get on in years. What one is weaker at, the other can help make up for. Separately, each of us has limitations to our memories. Together, we should be able to keep track of most of the events and facts needed to function as a family.

Doug Kaufman lives in Tallmadge with his wife, Renee, and their three children: Ally (11), Maria (7) and Ryan (4). He really does know when his anniversary is. Away from home, he is editor of an automotive industry trade publication in Akron.