Never Too Old for a Family

by Tami Lorkovich and Chris Esmurdoc

Meeting Alfonzo for the first time, it would be easy to assume that he is just like many other young people: articulate, engaging, good at his job as a barber, and passionate about kids in foster care. What’s different about Alfonzo is that he is also an alumnus of the foster care system in Cuyahoga County and one of the hundreds each year who "age out" and exit foster care without a permanent, adoptive family.

The outlook for youth who are discharged from the child welfare system to no one but themselves is grim and has wide reaching consequences for our community. According to a Casey Family Programs study published in 2003, at least 42 percent of former foster youth have experienced one or more homeless nights after aging out. Other reports indicate that between 60 and 70 percent of teens who leave foster care on their 18th birthday are homeless, incarcerated, or dead within one year. In addition, teenage birthrates are more than double the national average for young women who age out.

By these or any other measures, children and youth fare much better when they have fewer placements and are adopted by an adult who will claim them as part of a family. They are twice as likely to graduate high school, three times as likely to hold down a job, three times less likely to become a teen parent, four times less likely to use illegal drugs, and six times less likely to get in trouble with the law. These statistics highlight that families are still the best way for kids to learn essential life skills.

In January 2004, Cuyahoga County, the Strong Families=Successful Children Vision Council, and other local institutions launched a $4 million effort (half of which is yet to be raised) to find adoptive parents for the nearly 1,500 children and youth in county custody, most of whom are African American. The Vision Council chose Adoption Network Cleveland to lead the new Adopt Cuyahoga’s Kids Initiative. The Initiative will first target the 650 children who are age 10 or older and who have waited at least a year for an adoptive family. The Initiative is coordinating with 14 adoption agencies to research the children’s pasts and target potential parents, such as teachers, neighbors, coaches, or distant relatives – many of whom might assume that children in the system were adopted years ago.

Most importantly, agencies will actively involve the children in identifying people significant to them. Alfonzo remembers one person who had an impact on him. "I remember my junior high teacher, because she was one of the few people who told me I was special and that I mattered. She said all that and I was probably one of the worst kids in her class that year." Recently reunited, his former teacher brought out letters that Alfonzo had written her while he was her student. She hadn’t forgotten him either.

If you are like most people, you’ve thought about becoming a foster or adoptive parent. You’ve probably also listed any number of reasons why you can’t or shouldn’t pursue it – at least right now. Many people think that only saints or perfect parents adopt. Swayed by media stories that highlight the families who adopt dozens of kids, people lose sight of the fact that the most successful adoptive and foster parents for older kids are usually average people who have two things in common: A desire to help kids and an ability to commit to them no matter what happens – much like most parents do with their biological children.

When asked what he needed as a young teen in foster care, Alfonzo said, "I just wanted a family...not the Cosbys...just a family. I wanted to graduate from high school with a mom and dad there to see me. It didn't happen that way [for me]."

Other people are afraid that once they adopt, they won’t have the support or services they need to help their family and children adjust. Adopt Cuyahoga’s Kids has several Adoption Navigators – experienced adoptive parents and others – who can support families and supplement adoption agency services from initial inquiry through home study, placement, and after legalization. They are developing a resource guide specific to the needs of adoptive families filled with providers who can help. Also, many children and families qualify for adoption subsidies to help cover the costs of services and care some kids need.

Other potential adopters are afraid they will be rejected by the children or youth they want to adopt. Even though many foster teens are reluctant to admit it, most really want to be adopted. Alfonzo recounted a time when he was in a group home and one of the other boys was adopted. "We were all just sitting there, wishing it was us [getting adopted]. I got to a point where I said, I deserve it...I deserve to be adopted." Most of the teens never admitted that yearning out loud. He also remembers the stress of having to conform to what people wanted him to be – social workers, foster parents, teachers, counselors – just so he could be adoptable. He stated his wish was, "Adopt me for who I am, not for what you want me to be."

Alfonzo contacted Adopt Cuyahoga’s Kids because he wanted to help kids going through the same things he experienced while in foster care. Alfonzo shared a proverb that he is fond of: "Children of fire understand blue." He explained that only a child that has been in the most intense part of the experience – the hottest part – can understand the intensity of the flame.

But others can help extinguish the flame altogether. The Initiative offers mentorship opportunities and ways for individuals and businesses to get involved through volunteering, offering an information table in their offices, or making monetary or other in-kind donations. If you’d like more information about becoming an adoptive or foster parent or want to help in other ways, please contact Adopt Cuyahoga’s Kids at (216) 325-1000 or www.adoptionnetwork.org/kids.

Never has the need for foster parents been greater than it is today. In Cuyahoga County alone, about 4,000 children were removed from their birth families last year due to abuse or neglect. Many of those children need the care and support of skilled foster families until they can return to their own homes or adoptive families. Following are answers to some of the most frequently asked questions about becoming a foster parent.

Many foster parents also have children of their own. It’s important that everyone in your household supports the decision to foster children since everyone is impacted by the addition of another family member.

All children are influenced by their peers, whether in school, in the neighborhood or in the family. That’s why it’s important to involve your child or children in the decision to foster and to discuss the issues involved in foster parenting in an age-appropriate way.

Foster children do not need to have their own room, but they must have their own bed. They can share a room with children of the same sex; however, an adult cannot share a bedroom with a child. The rules require that every child in the family – whether your own, foster or adoptive – must have his or her own bed. You should not change your own child’s sleeping arrangements to accommodate a foster child.

Most children in foster care are coming from families in crisis. This may be the result of abuse, neglect, homelessness, parental illness or death. The children may be coming from their own homes, another foster home, or a residential treatment setting. The children are typically referred by a public children’s services agency.

Many foster children will return to their own families once the crisis has been resolved. While the child is in care, it’s important that the relationships with parents and siblings be maintained. Early in the child’s placement, a visitation plan is arranged.

Foster care is meant to be a temporary situation. The ultimate goal is to return every child to his or her own family or to a permanent home. The average length of stay is six months to one year, although this can be shorter or longer, depending on the situation.

Some foster parents are concerned about separation and loss issues when the foster child must leave their home. In many instances, the foster parents remain connected to their foster child or children and continue to serve as a resource for many years.

If a child becomes available for adoption and there are no other relatives able or willing to adopt the child, foster parents then have the first option.

Most foster children are coming out of a crisis situation and need a home immediately, usually within 24 hours. In some cases, children may be coming out of a residential treatment setting. In these instances, there may be time for pre-placement visits.

You will be reimbursed for the cost of caring for a foster child. This reimbursement, which is tax exempt, includes a difficulty-of-care and room-and-board per diem as well as a personal expense allowance for the child.