Living and Giving Outside the Box

by Jill Miller Zimon

 If you feel like retailers anticipate the winter holidays more than you do, don't worry. You can begin, modify or expand your family's winter holiday gift-giving customs without their help. You'll soon realize that there are more ways to give than there are versions of Barbie.

Simplify Gifts and Giving
The Center for the New American Dream offers a new perspective on how to get more from less. It publishes a brochure called "Simplify the Holidays," which describes how to increase the memories and decrease the anxieties associated with the holiday season. You can download it for free (www.newdream.org) or call for a copy ($4) at 1-877-68-DREAM.

If you want to incorporate simplicity into your holiday festivities, Diane Wood, executive director for the Center, suggests the following:

• Discuss holiday expectations. Many nonmaterialistic ideas will develop.
• Select a family project to do together that is not overly ambitious. Kids love rituals and when you plan an activity that will become a tradition, you create excitement before the holiday. One example is to make gift-wrap. Let your kids propose pattern ideas and then select one to use this year.
• Highlight the precious nature of the holidays. If you carve out special time that is repeated year after year, your kids will associate it with good feelings and the holiday.
• Choose a charitable act to do together. Explain to your children that you are doing this because it is rewarding to give to others as an end in itself. Examples include donating time to a soup kitchen, sponsoring a family over the holidays with a meal or gifts, or promising to mow the lawn of an elderly family for free.

Pet Adoption Certificates
Like thinking outside the box (or cage)?
Sharon Harvey, executive director of the Geauga Humane Society's Rescue Village (440-338-4819, www.geaugahumane.org), says that many shelters won't allow pet adoptions over the holidays (although Rescue Village does) because people alternately leave home and entertain unfamiliar faces. But a pet adoption gift certificate, redeemable after the holidays, ensures a stable environment in which new animals can adapt.

Harvey wants families to recognize that children need to be trained on how to behave with animals just as much as the animals must learn how to act with children. To make sure that the adoption process goes smoothly and lasts permanently, Rescue Village does the following:

• Screens and counsels families,
• Profiles each animal's temperament and matches it to a family's lifestyle, and
• Uses "age profiles" to place active and less-active animals into the most appropriate family environments.
   

Rescue Village does not facilitate adoptions to third parties, so if you want to go that route, give a gift certificate to the intended family.

When Kids Buy for Adults
Children can learn gift-giving skills through school, church and synagogue fairs and when they shop with one parent for the other. To improve these skills and the chance that kids actually will choose something you'll use or wear, Stephanie Oppenheim, co-author of the Oppenheim Toy Portfolio 2004, suggests that family members make wish lists and include everything from ponies to pencils. This list will give your child several choices that will satisfy.

Oppenheim recommends that you pre-shop when possible to scope out worthy choices. Then you can lead the child on a treasure hunt by giving them clues about what caught your eye.

Finally, see if the fair's organizing group, such as a Parent Teacher Association or Organization, can provide an inventory of available items. Peruse the list and direct your children accordingly.

Interfaith Gift-Giving
Several winter holidays occur within a short time span, and many of today's families celebrate more than one of them. Oppenheim recommends that you consult a calendar to determine when the holiday occurs. Also check out your library's collection of material that deals with the various holidays to understand their traditions and significance.

While it may seem well-intentioned, it's usually inappropriate to give someone of a different religion an item that represents your faith unless you've ascertained otherwise. More appropriate options for religious-oriented gifts include books, videos and music that reflect the different celebrations.

Cost Guidelines
Oppenheim believes that the best recommendation about cost is to have family members or friends pool their resources to make someone's wish come true.
For younger kids, Oppenheim believes that you don't need to spend a lot to get great games, many of which cost $15 or less. Her Web site, www.toyportfolio.com, provides hundreds of ideas and tips for making winning choices.

Last-Minute Ideas
If you're still struggling for ideas regardless of your wallet's size, refer to a top 10 list published by parenting and family magazines, Web sites or any other "best of" compendium.