Preparing Kids to Get Along at Camp

by Cathy Ashby

It’s hard enough living with family members. Sharing bathrooms, negotiating Internet time, dividing treats equally. These are difficult tasks for even the most loving families. Now, imagine you’re an 11-year-old camper and you’re staying in a cabin with nine strangers. No doubt about it — you’ve got a lot to learn about communal living and, if you want to make any friends at all, you’d better learn it fast.

Despite what the producers of reality TV want us to think, the key to harmonious communal living isn’t kicking unwanted individuals out of the group. On the contrary, truly successful communities are created only when all members are accepted, respected and held accountable for their actions. That’s an important lesson for kids to learn, and there’s no better place to witness it first-hand than at summer camp.

For many children, summer camp is their first experience in communal living outside the family home. As such, it’s a powerful opportunity for learning and emotional growth.

"Everyone wants to be part of something," says Don Wood, an executive director at the American Camping Association. "Being part of a community validates who children are and how they fit in with others their age." In a supportive, nurturing community, children can try new things and make friends without fear of failure. In the process, they learn independence and boost their self-esteem.

Camp directors don’t expect children to arrive at camp with a fully developed awareness of what it means to live in a community. They do, however, hope that campers are prepared to act kindly toward one another and to learn from the positive role models around them.

"Certainly," says Wood, "it’s helpful to be compromising, selfless and aware of the emotions, ideas and needs of others. The ability to put yourself in others’ shoes is also a tremendous asset to a successful community experience," he adds. Ideally, these qualities are taught in the home at a very early age. After all, family members deserve just as much respect as friends and fellow campers do.

Parents can prepare their children to participate in community situations by discussing with them the following key attributes:

• It is important to respect the needs, feelings and privacy of others. You don’t have to like everyone, but you do have to show respect for them. That means no teasing or gossiping.

• Camp is a place to celebrate differences. You’ll meet all kinds of people who can teach you new things about life and friendship. It’s important to be tolerant of people with experiences and beliefs that differ from yours.

• Be kind and generous to others. Compassion and empathy are vital to successful communities.

• Remember that your actions, both good and bad, have consequences. You should always take responsibility for the things that you do and say.

Certain personality traits or qualities are detrimental to a child’s success at getting along in a group. Chief among them are:

• Selfishness

• Aggression and bullying

• Self-righteousness

If your child exhibits these behaviors, he or she may have trouble making friends at camp, at school and in your neighborhood. Help your child develop more flexible and compassionate attitudes towards others now, and they’ll have stronger, more effective relationships for the rest of their lives.

Cathy Ashby, the editor of Carolina Parent magazine, is a former camp director and counselor.

Use these camp scenarios to stimulate a discussion about what it means to live in a community:

1. It’s afternoon quiet time. You and your friends want to play cards, but you can’t find your deck. You know that one of your bunkmates has a deck in her trunk, but she isn’t in the cabin right now. Do you:

• Rummage through her trunk to find her cards. She’s really nice. You’re sure she won’t mind.
• Suggest playing a different game until she returns.

2. While you’re in the bathroom getting ready for bed, you notice that the toilet paper in one stall is almost gone. Do you:

• Ask your counselor to help you replace the roll so the next person isn’t left high and not-so-dry.
• Assume the next person will take care of it. You’re not sure where the replacement rolls are anyway.

3. When you are clearing your dinner dishes from the table, you accidentally spill some leftover soup on your chair. Do you:

• Clean it up right away. You don’t want anyone to sit in that mess.
• Leave it. A group of campers is assigned to clean the dining hall every day and today isn’t your day.

4. While you’re waiting for your turn to use the camp phone, you overhear a boy telling his mother that he thinks a girl at camp is pretty. Do you:

• Give up your place in line to find her. She’ll be so excited when she hears the news.
• Say nothing. If he wants to tell the girl, he’ll do it himself.

5. You are a night owl, but your roommate is a morning person. Do you:

• Stay up late every night, talking with your friends while he tries to sleep. He wakes you up in the morning anyway. It’s the least he deserves.
• Compromise on sleeping and waking times and promise to tread quietly on either side of those hours.